Last Words, New Beginnings 07/05/2011
We have been released from the collar! Although, not without warning that Jack will have to remain calm for the
next few weeks until his little emaciated neck gets back to full strength. Anyone who has seen him in action with
the collar on will attest to the fact that I couldn’t even keep him calm with it on! What am I going to do now!?! I guess we will just have to feel our way through this next phase, just like all the other changes we have been through so far.
While this is by no means the end of our journey, it will be my last blog. I hope that this will be the beginning of our return to normal, albeit a new normal. The hair will grow in to cover the scars that will forever be left on Jack’s head, and maybe with some luck- someone will someday feel comfortable having Jack over for a playdate. (Poor kid.) And the scars on our hearts? They will serve as a constant reminder of bravery, patience, and a newfound respect for the gift of life.
My son has touched the hearts of many, but you have all touched ours. You have been our strength for the last several months, and we are so grateful to all of you.
Thank you for your love, your encouragement, and your generosity.
The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.
-Numbers 6:24-26
next few weeks until his little emaciated neck gets back to full strength. Anyone who has seen him in action with
the collar on will attest to the fact that I couldn’t even keep him calm with it on! What am I going to do now!?! I guess we will just have to feel our way through this next phase, just like all the other changes we have been through so far.
While this is by no means the end of our journey, it will be my last blog. I hope that this will be the beginning of our return to normal, albeit a new normal. The hair will grow in to cover the scars that will forever be left on Jack’s head, and maybe with some luck- someone will someday feel comfortable having Jack over for a playdate. (Poor kid.) And the scars on our hearts? They will serve as a constant reminder of bravery, patience, and a newfound respect for the gift of life.
My son has touched the hearts of many, but you have all touched ours. You have been our strength for the last several months, and we are so grateful to all of you.
Thank you for your love, your encouragement, and your generosity.
The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.
-Numbers 6:24-26
Haven't seen that neck for months!
11 Comments
Let freedom... wait a bit longer 07/01/2011
I feel like I can't escape the waiting room at Morristown. I sat there staring at my seat from that day, trying to conquer this irrational fear I have of a simple room. My friend said to me- yes, but you are in a different seat now. And she's right. It's one that's way across the room from that dark place. Still it haunts me- that seat. But he and I both made it through alright. Although, to be honest, I may not have without a little help from an Au Bon Pain pastry. The anesthesiologist said to me, don't be surprised if he cries this time, he has been down this road before and my tricks probably won't work. I said to him- don't be surprised if he doesn't... or if I DO. He is such a good boy. So much braver than me. He got teary only once. I put him up on the table and he said to me- Mommy, I really want to go home. Those big eyes wide and filling with tears, it almost broke my heart. But I said to him- I know Jack, I want to go home too. Just be brave do your test and we will go home as soon as it's over. He took a deep breath, wiped his eyes, laid down, and the doctor put the mask on his face. He was out within seconds, with the doctor called him a "dream child." The truth is, circumstances aside, I wouldn't trade these moments with him for anything. The MRI took about an hour, and then I was able to go see him in the recovery room. He wasn't allowed to eat beforehand, so afterwards, he had an enormous brownie and chocolate milk. Breakfast of champions, as I always say.
His surgeon's office held up their side of the bargain, and called me around 1pm. She said she thought everything looked good, but could not give me the official ok to take the collar off until the radiologist signed off on it, which she didn't think would happen today. I made several phone calls to the radiology department, and his surgeon's office trying to plead my case for a "rush" on his results. but it was to no avail. So, he has an appointment on Tuesday with the surgeon's office to be evaluated and it is then that I hope to get the ok to take the damn thing off and burn it. Jack asked me yesterday what we would do with his collar when the doctor said he could take it off. I said, I don't know Jack. What do you want to do with it? Do you want to keep it? He said- No! I want to put it in the garbage can! So, maybe it bothers him more than he lets on.
I am so happy for the good news about the results from the surgeon, but frustrated to have to wait longer...again. How poetic it would have been if I were able to post- let freedom ring! on the eve of independence day. A slow motion montage of collar free summer fun set to Beach Boys music danced in my head. (I have a strange obsession with picturing my life as a montage set to music. I do it all the time- please don't judge me.) But, seriously- here is the big picture. I drove past a funeral in Morristown today, and all I could think was thank you God. Thank you for letting me keep my little boy. So we WILL have fun in the sun this weekend, and I will celebrate the country that has allowed my son the excellent medical care that has gotten him so far so fast. Our freedom from "the collar" will just have to wait a little longer. Have a safe and happy 4th with your family and friends.
His surgeon's office held up their side of the bargain, and called me around 1pm. She said she thought everything looked good, but could not give me the official ok to take the collar off until the radiologist signed off on it, which she didn't think would happen today. I made several phone calls to the radiology department, and his surgeon's office trying to plead my case for a "rush" on his results. but it was to no avail. So, he has an appointment on Tuesday with the surgeon's office to be evaluated and it is then that I hope to get the ok to take the damn thing off and burn it. Jack asked me yesterday what we would do with his collar when the doctor said he could take it off. I said, I don't know Jack. What do you want to do with it? Do you want to keep it? He said- No! I want to put it in the garbage can! So, maybe it bothers him more than he lets on.
I am so happy for the good news about the results from the surgeon, but frustrated to have to wait longer...again. How poetic it would have been if I were able to post- let freedom ring! on the eve of independence day. A slow motion montage of collar free summer fun set to Beach Boys music danced in my head. (I have a strange obsession with picturing my life as a montage set to music. I do it all the time- please don't judge me.) But, seriously- here is the big picture. I drove past a funeral in Morristown today, and all I could think was thank you God. Thank you for letting me keep my little boy. So we WILL have fun in the sun this weekend, and I will celebrate the country that has allowed my son the excellent medical care that has gotten him so far so fast. Our freedom from "the collar" will just have to wait a little longer. Have a safe and happy 4th with your family and friends.
Independence Day? 06/30/2011
Well, tomorrow is the big day. Jack’s MRI. I have been waking up in a panic all week, thinking I have overslept, or forgotten the appointment. It takes me a minute to realize first, that it is 1 in the morning, or 3:30 in the morning, or 5 in the morning, and second, that it’s not even the right day. I don’t know why I have so much anxiety about it. There is no way I could honestly forget or oversleep for this. I keep thinking to myself, so what if he has to keep it on longer? He doesn’t complain about it, why should it bother me? But, if I think about it, I suppose surgery may be the next course of action. She did say in the beginning that if it didn’t heal correctly he would have to have surgery on it. That feels like an afterthought because honestly, I think he is fine. But maybe it is in there subconsciously making me nervous. At any rate, we will know tomorrow. I called the surgeon’s
office a little while ago to beg and plead that they call me TOMORROW with results. I may have offered to kiss some feet or clean some houses, or something along those lines. Hey whatever works, right? They have assured me that it is on the surgeon’s schedule to read the results and call me, so hopefully this will be the case. I have become very jaded in the area of doctor’s office response times. You can be sure that if I don’t get a call by 1pm, I will start making hourly phone calls. Being liked is overrated anyway.
So, say a little prayer for Jack. Hopefully this July 4th weekend can be a celebration of independence in more ways than one.
office a little while ago to beg and plead that they call me TOMORROW with results. I may have offered to kiss some feet or clean some houses, or something along those lines. Hey whatever works, right? They have assured me that it is on the surgeon’s schedule to read the results and call me, so hopefully this will be the case. I have become very jaded in the area of doctor’s office response times. You can be sure that if I don’t get a call by 1pm, I will start making hourly phone calls. Being liked is overrated anyway.
So, say a little prayer for Jack. Hopefully this July 4th weekend can be a celebration of independence in more ways than one.
Private Matters 06/23/2011
July 1st seems a long way off, but it’s actually next Friday! This is the date of Jack’s “big” MRI. Of course, I just called their office to ask them if I can have the results that day and was told that his surgeon will be away until after the 11th. After I picked myself up off the floor and stopped sobbing, the nurse said we can ask the other surgeon in the practice to take a look at it in her absence, but I am not sure how this is going to go now. Frustration!
But, that’s what parenting is, right? A whole new world of frustration. This is not news. At least it’s not for those of us who have crossed over to the other side. Parenting is hearing mommy so many times in a day you contemplate changing your name to Barbara but instead you answer- Yes? for the 900th time that day, sometimes in a whisper so you don’t instead scream and run from the house pulling your hair out. It’s doing
glamorous things like despidering the garage, catching throw up in your hands without thinking twice about it, cleaning up accidents during potty training while your other kids dance around laughing, pointing, and chanting You’re a floor pooper! You’re a floor pooper! And how about when you load the kids in the car and take that delightful first (and last) trip to the county dump where you learn that flip flops, are not in fact, the appropriate footwear choice for this task, and that mommy in the dump supplied hard hat (Ew!) and neon orange vest is hilarious.
Parenting is hearing lovely anecdotes about your children and the embarrassing things they did while you were not around. Like when your son announces at a lunch table full of girls that he has a penis, or when your daughter tells someone they have a "golden" tooth.
Conversations that were once stimulating and engaging are now centered around bodily functions. You find yourself saying things you never thought you would. Things like- can’t you please share your worms with your friend? She's very upset. Or, can you please swallow your spit instead of making bubbles with it? Or how about when you find yourself yelling into the next room- ALRIGHT! Enough with the vagina talk! Discussions are now had about why drinking dirty bathwater is not a good idea, and why it’s inappropriate to strip naked in the middle of a store. (THAT was embarrassing) Also, why that song about private parts set to the tune of jingle bells should not be sung at the top of our lungs in the grocery checkout line.
Why do we endure these things? Because we love our kids and we want them to become healthy, well socialized, non penis announcing adults. We understand that love is not just sunshine and bubblegum, it’s also cleaning up poop and correcting their lack of worm sharing. It’s saying yes, but also saying no and feeling like a mean mommy sometimes. It’s bringing new life home and it’s sitting at a sick child’s hospital bed. And then, it’s waiting for test results. So, I will wait and maybe I will sing that catchy little jingle bell tune the kids made up to pass the time- private parts, private parts, butt butt butt butt butt…..
Oh, and if this is not your experience with motherhood… then forget I said anything.
But, that’s what parenting is, right? A whole new world of frustration. This is not news. At least it’s not for those of us who have crossed over to the other side. Parenting is hearing mommy so many times in a day you contemplate changing your name to Barbara but instead you answer- Yes? for the 900th time that day, sometimes in a whisper so you don’t instead scream and run from the house pulling your hair out. It’s doing
glamorous things like despidering the garage, catching throw up in your hands without thinking twice about it, cleaning up accidents during potty training while your other kids dance around laughing, pointing, and chanting You’re a floor pooper! You’re a floor pooper! And how about when you load the kids in the car and take that delightful first (and last) trip to the county dump where you learn that flip flops, are not in fact, the appropriate footwear choice for this task, and that mommy in the dump supplied hard hat (Ew!) and neon orange vest is hilarious.
Parenting is hearing lovely anecdotes about your children and the embarrassing things they did while you were not around. Like when your son announces at a lunch table full of girls that he has a penis, or when your daughter tells someone they have a "golden" tooth.
Conversations that were once stimulating and engaging are now centered around bodily functions. You find yourself saying things you never thought you would. Things like- can’t you please share your worms with your friend? She's very upset. Or, can you please swallow your spit instead of making bubbles with it? Or how about when you find yourself yelling into the next room- ALRIGHT! Enough with the vagina talk! Discussions are now had about why drinking dirty bathwater is not a good idea, and why it’s inappropriate to strip naked in the middle of a store. (THAT was embarrassing) Also, why that song about private parts set to the tune of jingle bells should not be sung at the top of our lungs in the grocery checkout line.
Why do we endure these things? Because we love our kids and we want them to become healthy, well socialized, non penis announcing adults. We understand that love is not just sunshine and bubblegum, it’s also cleaning up poop and correcting their lack of worm sharing. It’s saying yes, but also saying no and feeling like a mean mommy sometimes. It’s bringing new life home and it’s sitting at a sick child’s hospital bed. And then, it’s waiting for test results. So, I will wait and maybe I will sing that catchy little jingle bell tune the kids made up to pass the time- private parts, private parts, butt butt butt butt butt…..
Oh, and if this is not your experience with motherhood… then forget I said anything.
Keep on moving on 06/14/2011
I have these strange moments of clarity, at least that’s what I call them. I say strange because most of my life I walk around in a semi-confused state, but occasionally – very occasionally- something becomes clear to me. Most often they happen at night right before I fall asleep and I think to myself- I will have to write that down tomorrow, but by morning it’s gone and the constant feeling that I am forgetting something returns. The subject matter can range from topics like song lyrics I have been singing wrong for months (embarrassing, to why bridges ice over before the rest of the roadway (I have no idea why these things keep me up at night) to more serious issues. Several nights ago, I was thinking about a conversation I had with a friend that morning, someone who has had her own challenges to face. She was nervous about a step forward her child was going to be taking. And I was remembering a couple of weeks ago when she was nervous about a different first. It’s always easier to give someone else advice, than it is to see your own situation clearly. I said to her- I know how you feel, any step forward you take is scary. But what is the alternative? I DO know how she felt. From the moment Jack fell, every step forward was terrifying. Getting to the hospital, the surgery, then taking his pressure sensor out, waking him up, extubating, leaving the PICU, and on and on and on. If I had had my way at the time, he would still be in a coma in the PICU today, which considering how amazing he is doing now, it just seems that much more ridiculous. It's a good thing we had no choice but to move forward. It is the right thing, the natural thing, to do.
When Avery was little, she would not step off a curb. Just would not do it. I would stand there for minutes at a time trying to coax her to take the step, but until you held her hand she would not take that step. Later, we found out that Avery had some visual perceptual, motor planning problems and a lack of depth perception. It was put to me like this- to her, she can’t tell whether she is stepping off a curb, or a cliff. Imagine someone wanting you to take that step? -This has been like that. But so is life, right? This is just an extraordinary example to point to. And so, do we take those steps? How many times have I chosen not to put myself out there? For fear of what people would think, or fear of not being successful. I feel like I have lived my life hanging back, afraid to step off that curb. This is shown me that you can’t be that way. You have to keep taking steps forward. So I will keep reminding myself of this. People’s stories do not start and end overnight. What life is now, does not mean it will be the same in a year or even a week. Our grandparents are proof of this. I could sit and listen to their stories for hours. It all seems so much more compelling than my own life. I find myself saying I wish I lived back then. Or, I wish I could have been there for that. But to them at the time, it was just life- just like us now. I think the reason it all seems so much more interesting is because there is a beginning, a middle, and an end, and the perspective of years passed to add to the context. So I will continue to take baby steps forward to carve out my own legacy. I will recognize that you have to work hard, be brave, pay attention, and suffer setbacks to lead the life you were meant to. It’s a long uphill battle, maybe the trick is to just learn how to enjoy the fight. My son has taught me this. And so has Avery. For all that she faces, she is one of the hardest workers I know, and can put a smile on just about anyone’s face. Strange how you can learn so much from your kids. I thought we were supposed to be the teachers. My poor kids, I think they got a bum deal on that one! I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I am going to look at Jack and remind myself not to be afraid to try.
When Avery was little, she would not step off a curb. Just would not do it. I would stand there for minutes at a time trying to coax her to take the step, but until you held her hand she would not take that step. Later, we found out that Avery had some visual perceptual, motor planning problems and a lack of depth perception. It was put to me like this- to her, she can’t tell whether she is stepping off a curb, or a cliff. Imagine someone wanting you to take that step? -This has been like that. But so is life, right? This is just an extraordinary example to point to. And so, do we take those steps? How many times have I chosen not to put myself out there? For fear of what people would think, or fear of not being successful. I feel like I have lived my life hanging back, afraid to step off that curb. This is shown me that you can’t be that way. You have to keep taking steps forward. So I will keep reminding myself of this. People’s stories do not start and end overnight. What life is now, does not mean it will be the same in a year or even a week. Our grandparents are proof of this. I could sit and listen to their stories for hours. It all seems so much more compelling than my own life. I find myself saying I wish I lived back then. Or, I wish I could have been there for that. But to them at the time, it was just life- just like us now. I think the reason it all seems so much more interesting is because there is a beginning, a middle, and an end, and the perspective of years passed to add to the context. So I will continue to take baby steps forward to carve out my own legacy. I will recognize that you have to work hard, be brave, pay attention, and suffer setbacks to lead the life you were meant to. It’s a long uphill battle, maybe the trick is to just learn how to enjoy the fight. My son has taught me this. And so has Avery. For all that she faces, she is one of the hardest workers I know, and can put a smile on just about anyone’s face. Strange how you can learn so much from your kids. I thought we were supposed to be the teachers. My poor kids, I think they got a bum deal on that one! I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I am going to look at Jack and remind myself not to be afraid to try.
I Heart My Hometown 06/10/2011
Yesterday was a good day! Jack's OT says he can come once a week now! If after he gets his collar off there seems to be a need for some "fine tuning" as she put it, we can go back to 2x, but for now she feels he is doing very well and only needs the once per week.
Last night was a night filled with community service, friends, and Swedish fish. The conversation ranged from my clinical study on insect bites (FYI “x”ing them with a fingernail works to stop the itching, as do salves whipped up on the spot by a nurse, and so does pouring salt on them- although this one has side effects. Namely, it can tend to draw strange looks from other restaurant patrons. Apparently it’s not everyday someone says pass the salt and then proceeds to dump it on their legs) to high school yearbooks, to bedroom shoes. What are bedroom shoes you ask? I really have no clue, but apparently some people have them and want to park them under John Travolta’s bed.
Anyway, as I was driving home, I couldn’t help but think how much I love my town. It’s a beautiful town, large in size but small in feel. You can’t go anywhere without running into someone you know. We have friendly people, farmland, parks, restaurants- some with beautiful outdoor patios for summer, antique shops, an old fashioned general store that occasionally you will see a horse parked outside of, and of course- all the modern convenience of Dunkin Donuts. It’s a place where one can receive a text from a neighbor saying- Hello, do you happen to have a wagon I could borrow for the trout release? (I filed this under "texts I never thought I would get" until it was explained to me that it's a 5th grade project) You can buy farm fresh eggs from the school bus driver, and yesterday on my morning run, I saw a bear. Last week in church our priest called it "the affluent hillbilly lifestyle." I grew up in this town, swore I would move to the “big city” (Ha! I can’t even take myself seriously saying that now) and yet here I am. Still in good ol’ LV. I affectionately refer to myself as "a lifer."
This morning I took Sabrina and Jack down to one of our local parks to hike along the river and get soaked IN the river. It’s a park my brothers and I used to frequent with our parents. There is something to be said for having such a long history in the place where you live. Everywhere you go feels like home. Although, to be fair, I don’t know any different so I’m sure there is a lot of adventure in moving off to a different place. For me though, I can’t imagine living anywhere else or a better place to raise my kids.
Last night was a night filled with community service, friends, and Swedish fish. The conversation ranged from my clinical study on insect bites (FYI “x”ing them with a fingernail works to stop the itching, as do salves whipped up on the spot by a nurse, and so does pouring salt on them- although this one has side effects. Namely, it can tend to draw strange looks from other restaurant patrons. Apparently it’s not everyday someone says pass the salt and then proceeds to dump it on their legs) to high school yearbooks, to bedroom shoes. What are bedroom shoes you ask? I really have no clue, but apparently some people have them and want to park them under John Travolta’s bed.
Anyway, as I was driving home, I couldn’t help but think how much I love my town. It’s a beautiful town, large in size but small in feel. You can’t go anywhere without running into someone you know. We have friendly people, farmland, parks, restaurants- some with beautiful outdoor patios for summer, antique shops, an old fashioned general store that occasionally you will see a horse parked outside of, and of course- all the modern convenience of Dunkin Donuts. It’s a place where one can receive a text from a neighbor saying- Hello, do you happen to have a wagon I could borrow for the trout release? (I filed this under "texts I never thought I would get" until it was explained to me that it's a 5th grade project) You can buy farm fresh eggs from the school bus driver, and yesterday on my morning run, I saw a bear. Last week in church our priest called it "the affluent hillbilly lifestyle." I grew up in this town, swore I would move to the “big city” (Ha! I can’t even take myself seriously saying that now) and yet here I am. Still in good ol’ LV. I affectionately refer to myself as "a lifer."
This morning I took Sabrina and Jack down to one of our local parks to hike along the river and get soaked IN the river. It’s a park my brothers and I used to frequent with our parents. There is something to be said for having such a long history in the place where you live. Everywhere you go feels like home. Although, to be fair, I don’t know any different so I’m sure there is a lot of adventure in moving off to a different place. For me though, I can’t imagine living anywhere else or a better place to raise my kids.
It's about time 06/08/2011
Well, I finally have news from the neurologist on Jack’s EEG. They do not see anything alarming, and so we are going to start weaning Jack off his Keppra. Hooray! They do however, want to repeat the EEG, because they said most of it reads that he was in a drowsy state and he was supposed to be awake and alert. This is puzzling to me because he WAS awake and alert throughout it. But, after being slightly annoying to the medical staff in her office, the neurologist called me herself. Oh well- squeaky wheel right? I feel like I have been patient enough for the past 2 weeks. Since she is not bothered by it, and is taking him off his medication, I am not going to worry about it. I thought I would be worried when they said it was time to stop the Keppra, but I am not... too much... She said he is on a low dose anyway, so she doesn't expect that we will see anything. So, I have to schedule another EEG about a month from now, and another neurologist appt as well.
In other news, Jack has “graduated” from speech therapy. After a battery of tests and evaluations, all his scores came back on target for his age or above age level. Since we don’t want to search for a problem that isn’t there, we decided to put it on hold. If in a month, or when he starts school, he seems to be having trouble or is behind at all, we can always start speech at that point. 1 down, 2 to go.
Our next hurdle (aside from the repeat EEG) will be Jack’s MRI on July 1st. The MRI will serve to (hopefully) clear his neck so that the C-Collar can come off. I REALLY home I don’t have to wait 2 weeks for those results!!
Thanks again, to everyone who continues to follow Jack’s progress. I’m sorry I have not been posting as much, but the news is slowing down (thank God) and I am enjoying being home with my kids. Love to all!
In other news, Jack has “graduated” from speech therapy. After a battery of tests and evaluations, all his scores came back on target for his age or above age level. Since we don’t want to search for a problem that isn’t there, we decided to put it on hold. If in a month, or when he starts school, he seems to be having trouble or is behind at all, we can always start speech at that point. 1 down, 2 to go.
Our next hurdle (aside from the repeat EEG) will be Jack’s MRI on July 1st. The MRI will serve to (hopefully) clear his neck so that the C-Collar can come off. I REALLY home I don’t have to wait 2 weeks for those results!!
Thanks again, to everyone who continues to follow Jack’s progress. I’m sorry I have not been posting as much, but the news is slowing down (thank God) and I am enjoying being home with my kids. Love to all!
A photo taken at the Emergency Expansion Dinner
Still a Rock Star 06/03/2011
Well, I have good news, and I have annoying news. The annoying news is that I STILL do not have results for Jack’s EEG. Now they tell me they are running behind because as a result of the holiday weekend, they have been short staffed. Well, they better have them on Monday, or else I am going to go all Shirley Maclaine, Terms of Endearment, on them.
Good news #1- I have scheduled Jack's MRI for July first at the crack of dawn, so here's hoping we can get that collar off!
The other good news is that, last night, we had the opportunity to go the victory dinner for the Emergency Department Expansion Campaign for Morristown Medical Center.
I had the great honor of giving a short speech detailing Jack’s accident, the care he received while at Morristown, and to thank personally some of the trauma doctors who were in attendance. My speech did not bomb, and Jack once again stole the show when he ran up afterwards saying- is it my turn now? He grabbed the mic and said- I need to ROCK!! I think this rock star stuff may be going to his head…
The kids all thought they were hot stuff, going to a fancy country club party. They were all decked out in their finery, drinking Shirley Temples. At one point Sabrina said to me Mom- no one has noticed my shoes. I said, oh, well maybe they are just blinded by the beauty of your dress and didn’t see them. Shortly after that, I was stopped by the emcee of the night. She was talking to me about Jack, when Sabrina suddenly whipped off her shoe and started waving it in her face. Nice. So much for my pep talk before we left for the party, where I sat the kids down and said- Ok kids, now listen, we are going to have to pretend to be classy for a few hours. Can we do it? Apparently, we cannot. Luckily, the woman has 6 kids so she took the shoe and gushed over it without being too horrified. I guess it’s too much to hope for to have an incident free evening. Not to be overlooked, Jack also peed on my foot, and thought it was hilarious. That’s right, just peed all over my foot. I am pretty sure that is the first time THAT has ever happened at that swanky Country Club. Fortunately we were in the bathroom…and I had strappy shoes on. Never a dull moment with this crew. Sometimes I really do feel like my life is a sitcom. On one particular debacle of a trip to NYC to see the Rockefeller Christmas tree- during which we spent 6 hours in the car, 2 hours in Duane Reade because I forgot Jack’s epipen, and 10 minutes at the tree- I told John how I felt, and he said- hon- your life IS a sitcom. He’s such a good sport, poor guy. Hey, if you don’t laugh about these things, you’ll cry- right?
Below, is the speech I gave last night, although- fair warning- it’s a little redundant for these blogs. Also, I am attaching a link for the trauma expansion project.
On March 30th 2011, my 3 year old son Jack fell out of a second story window of our home onto the driveway below. He suffered a traumatic brain injury with multiple skull fractures and bleeds in his brain. I remember picking out Jack’s shirt that morning. I don’t know why. I don’t typically remember things like that- I dress 3 kids everyday. But that morning I remember pulling that green shirt over his head and kissing him on his chubby little irresistible cheek and telling him how cute he was. Then I was running around tidying the house for my oldest daughter Avery’s play date that afternoon. It was just a regular day. I remember hearing the kids go into the spare room to play and thinking to myself how nicely they were all getting along. The next thing I knew, my 5 year old, Sabrina, was in front of me with her eyes wide screaming Mom! Jack fell out the window! It almost didn’t make sense at first. But then the panic in her voice registered and I was running. I don’t know why, but I ran to the spare room first. Why did I do that? I should have run straight down the stairs. I think part of me still thought it couldn’t be true. Avery was sitting frozen on the bed and I saw the window open and the screen was gone. My heart went straight to my throat and I looked out the window to see him lying on the driveway below. Wearing that green shirt. I couldn’t tell if he was dead or alive and I just remember starting to scream. I ran down the stairs, crawled under the garage door before it could open all the way and picked him up. I knew I shouldn’t but I couldn’t leave my baby lying there. I called 911 and what ensued was a blur of police, EMTs, and paramedics. We were flown by medivac helicopter to Morristown Medical Center where the trauma team met us on the roof. He was immediately taken into a room, where he was examined and had a CT scan. The next thing we knew, Dr. Mazzola, and Dr. Difazio were in front of us telling us he would need emergency surgery to repair the skull and bleeds in his brain. Miraculously, the only other injury he had was to the ligaments in his neck. The surgery took about 3 hours, and then he was moved to the PICU where he would stay for the next 2 weeks. At first, not all the doctors were even able to tell us conclusively that he would live. Then, once they were comfortable saying he would survive, no one could say what degree of lasting damage he would have. All we could do was wait, pray, and have faith in the doctors, nurses and respiratory therapists who were caring for him.
This day was by far the worst day of our lives. But, we have had a happy ending. And it’s because of the many first responders, the helicopter medics, and most of all, the amazing team at Morristown Medical Center. My son received the very best care imaginable. How do you express the gratitude you feel toward people who have saved your child’s life? No words seem good enough for that. We will be forever indebted to Dr. Mazzola- Jack’s neurosurgeon, Dr. Difazio, Dr. Feldman and the entire trauma team, who continued to come, check on Jack, and offer support and hope throughout our stay. Dr. O’Reilly, Dr. Thomas, Dr. Gutierrez, Dr. Horowitz and all the amazing, attentive, compassionate nurses who took care of him, and of me, during our stay. It is now only 2 months later and I can confidently say that the incredible team at Morristown Medical Center not only saved Jack’s life, they saved my son. He is the same little boy he was before this horrific accident. This is truly remarkable, and the most we could possibly ask for. Thank you, thank you, thank you Morristown Medical Center.
http://www.mmhf.org/Funding-Priorities-/Funding-Priorities/Emergency-Department-Expansion-Campaign.aspx
Good news #1- I have scheduled Jack's MRI for July first at the crack of dawn, so here's hoping we can get that collar off!
The other good news is that, last night, we had the opportunity to go the victory dinner for the Emergency Department Expansion Campaign for Morristown Medical Center.
I had the great honor of giving a short speech detailing Jack’s accident, the care he received while at Morristown, and to thank personally some of the trauma doctors who were in attendance. My speech did not bomb, and Jack once again stole the show when he ran up afterwards saying- is it my turn now? He grabbed the mic and said- I need to ROCK!! I think this rock star stuff may be going to his head…
The kids all thought they were hot stuff, going to a fancy country club party. They were all decked out in their finery, drinking Shirley Temples. At one point Sabrina said to me Mom- no one has noticed my shoes. I said, oh, well maybe they are just blinded by the beauty of your dress and didn’t see them. Shortly after that, I was stopped by the emcee of the night. She was talking to me about Jack, when Sabrina suddenly whipped off her shoe and started waving it in her face. Nice. So much for my pep talk before we left for the party, where I sat the kids down and said- Ok kids, now listen, we are going to have to pretend to be classy for a few hours. Can we do it? Apparently, we cannot. Luckily, the woman has 6 kids so she took the shoe and gushed over it without being too horrified. I guess it’s too much to hope for to have an incident free evening. Not to be overlooked, Jack also peed on my foot, and thought it was hilarious. That’s right, just peed all over my foot. I am pretty sure that is the first time THAT has ever happened at that swanky Country Club. Fortunately we were in the bathroom…and I had strappy shoes on. Never a dull moment with this crew. Sometimes I really do feel like my life is a sitcom. On one particular debacle of a trip to NYC to see the Rockefeller Christmas tree- during which we spent 6 hours in the car, 2 hours in Duane Reade because I forgot Jack’s epipen, and 10 minutes at the tree- I told John how I felt, and he said- hon- your life IS a sitcom. He’s such a good sport, poor guy. Hey, if you don’t laugh about these things, you’ll cry- right?
Below, is the speech I gave last night, although- fair warning- it’s a little redundant for these blogs. Also, I am attaching a link for the trauma expansion project.
On March 30th 2011, my 3 year old son Jack fell out of a second story window of our home onto the driveway below. He suffered a traumatic brain injury with multiple skull fractures and bleeds in his brain. I remember picking out Jack’s shirt that morning. I don’t know why. I don’t typically remember things like that- I dress 3 kids everyday. But that morning I remember pulling that green shirt over his head and kissing him on his chubby little irresistible cheek and telling him how cute he was. Then I was running around tidying the house for my oldest daughter Avery’s play date that afternoon. It was just a regular day. I remember hearing the kids go into the spare room to play and thinking to myself how nicely they were all getting along. The next thing I knew, my 5 year old, Sabrina, was in front of me with her eyes wide screaming Mom! Jack fell out the window! It almost didn’t make sense at first. But then the panic in her voice registered and I was running. I don’t know why, but I ran to the spare room first. Why did I do that? I should have run straight down the stairs. I think part of me still thought it couldn’t be true. Avery was sitting frozen on the bed and I saw the window open and the screen was gone. My heart went straight to my throat and I looked out the window to see him lying on the driveway below. Wearing that green shirt. I couldn’t tell if he was dead or alive and I just remember starting to scream. I ran down the stairs, crawled under the garage door before it could open all the way and picked him up. I knew I shouldn’t but I couldn’t leave my baby lying there. I called 911 and what ensued was a blur of police, EMTs, and paramedics. We were flown by medivac helicopter to Morristown Medical Center where the trauma team met us on the roof. He was immediately taken into a room, where he was examined and had a CT scan. The next thing we knew, Dr. Mazzola, and Dr. Difazio were in front of us telling us he would need emergency surgery to repair the skull and bleeds in his brain. Miraculously, the only other injury he had was to the ligaments in his neck. The surgery took about 3 hours, and then he was moved to the PICU where he would stay for the next 2 weeks. At first, not all the doctors were even able to tell us conclusively that he would live. Then, once they were comfortable saying he would survive, no one could say what degree of lasting damage he would have. All we could do was wait, pray, and have faith in the doctors, nurses and respiratory therapists who were caring for him.
This day was by far the worst day of our lives. But, we have had a happy ending. And it’s because of the many first responders, the helicopter medics, and most of all, the amazing team at Morristown Medical Center. My son received the very best care imaginable. How do you express the gratitude you feel toward people who have saved your child’s life? No words seem good enough for that. We will be forever indebted to Dr. Mazzola- Jack’s neurosurgeon, Dr. Difazio, Dr. Feldman and the entire trauma team, who continued to come, check on Jack, and offer support and hope throughout our stay. Dr. O’Reilly, Dr. Thomas, Dr. Gutierrez, Dr. Horowitz and all the amazing, attentive, compassionate nurses who took care of him, and of me, during our stay. It is now only 2 months later and I can confidently say that the incredible team at Morristown Medical Center not only saved Jack’s life, they saved my son. He is the same little boy he was before this horrific accident. This is truly remarkable, and the most we could possibly ask for. Thank you, thank you, thank you Morristown Medical Center.
http://www.mmhf.org/Funding-Priorities-/Funding-Priorities/Emergency-Department-Expansion-Campaign.aspx
Old News 05/31/2011
What a weekend! 3 BBQs, 2 pools, 2 bagel breakfasts, 1 waterslide, and 1 sudden 5am rainstorm soaked campout = one of the best weekends ever! Although the after effects of this weekend- namely the 3 hours of sleep on account of that storm- have forced me into the realization that I am not as young as I used to be. This epiphany comes in combination with the late movie I went to a couple of weeks ago and afterwards found myself shaking my fist at “those crazy teen drivers,” my excitement over the jumbo tub of TUMS that John came home with, and the fact that I have to buy bathing suits with built in tummy control. Oh well, I guess I should have expected this would happen some day.
I heard from the neurologist’s office today, but unfortunately, I still do not have the results of Jack’s EEG. They said it takes 4 business days for EEG results. I am unsure why since when we were in the hospital we had them immediately. They said I should have them tomorrow afternoon or Thursday. So, we wait some more. This waiting thing is getting old.
I heard from the neurologist’s office today, but unfortunately, I still do not have the results of Jack’s EEG. They said it takes 4 business days for EEG results. I am unsure why since when we were in the hospital we had them immediately. They said I should have them tomorrow afternoon or Thursday. So, we wait some more. This waiting thing is getting old.
Moments 05/27/2011
Yup, Tuesday it is. We all knew this was going to happen right? But, I’m taking it as a good sign now.
Today we had Sabrina’s class trip to the Land of Make Believe. Beautiful day, lots of fun! We had to leave Jack home, because we figured roller coasters are kind of out for him for now. It would be torture to watch the girls do everything while he would be relegated to the merry go round. It was so great to ride all those rides with the girls, being silly and watching them laugh and giggle. I have to say though, that when the four of us sat in one of the tilt-a-whirl cars together, there was a moment I found myself feeling like something was missing. And even though I knew I shouldn’t, I felt sad. Because I thought to myself, what if this was it? What if things hadn’t gone so well? What if we weren’t the lucky ones? How do people do it? How do they fill a hole so big? I felt it, and he was just at home. Safe. With his Grandma. I am in awe of all the people who have had, or are having to deal with so much more than we. I feel guilty sometimes for feeling sad.
Later, when Jack woke up from his nap, I sat with him on our glider and I said I love you so much Jackie. He said- me too Mommy, I love you. I thought we were having a moment, so I said I am so lucky to be your mommy. Then Jack said- yeah.. do you know how to beat the big bowser on Mario? Because I tried to jump on his back and I landed on a spike and I really want to beat him... I guess he was over it.
I got a phone call yesterday. They are opening a new Emergency/Trauma department at Morristown- which by the way, seems to be changing names from Morristown Memorial, to Morristown Medical Center. ?? They are having a kick off dinner next week, and they invited us to come. Jack’s story will be told and he will be introduced to everyone there. What an honor! This is just further confirmation (as if we needed it) of what an amazing story my Jackie is. I hope it helps them somehow, that people feel good about money they have donated, or effort they have put in to make this expansion a reality. Maybe in some tiny way, it is a gift Jack can give back to them. They have given us so much.
I am going to take the weekend off from journaling. I am going to enjoy the beautiful weather, with our family and friends. Hopefully I will have good news to report on Tuesday!! I hope you all enjoy every moment of this long weekend.
Today we had Sabrina’s class trip to the Land of Make Believe. Beautiful day, lots of fun! We had to leave Jack home, because we figured roller coasters are kind of out for him for now. It would be torture to watch the girls do everything while he would be relegated to the merry go round. It was so great to ride all those rides with the girls, being silly and watching them laugh and giggle. I have to say though, that when the four of us sat in one of the tilt-a-whirl cars together, there was a moment I found myself feeling like something was missing. And even though I knew I shouldn’t, I felt sad. Because I thought to myself, what if this was it? What if things hadn’t gone so well? What if we weren’t the lucky ones? How do people do it? How do they fill a hole so big? I felt it, and he was just at home. Safe. With his Grandma. I am in awe of all the people who have had, or are having to deal with so much more than we. I feel guilty sometimes for feeling sad.
Later, when Jack woke up from his nap, I sat with him on our glider and I said I love you so much Jackie. He said- me too Mommy, I love you. I thought we were having a moment, so I said I am so lucky to be your mommy. Then Jack said- yeah.. do you know how to beat the big bowser on Mario? Because I tried to jump on his back and I landed on a spike and I really want to beat him... I guess he was over it.
I got a phone call yesterday. They are opening a new Emergency/Trauma department at Morristown- which by the way, seems to be changing names from Morristown Memorial, to Morristown Medical Center. ?? They are having a kick off dinner next week, and they invited us to come. Jack’s story will be told and he will be introduced to everyone there. What an honor! This is just further confirmation (as if we needed it) of what an amazing story my Jackie is. I hope it helps them somehow, that people feel good about money they have donated, or effort they have put in to make this expansion a reality. Maybe in some tiny way, it is a gift Jack can give back to them. They have given us so much.
I am going to take the weekend off from journaling. I am going to enjoy the beautiful weather, with our family and friends. Hopefully I will have good news to report on Tuesday!! I hope you all enjoy every moment of this long weekend.
